The Open Table: Reclaiming Community after Spiritual Abuse

It can be devastating to find yourself alone and isolated after leaving a controlling community. No one seems to understand what you have experienced. The Open Table is a group of spiritual abuse survivors from diverse backgrounds who meet regularly, offering community, education, and encouragement to others who are also on the journey of healing from high-control religious groups in the greater Knoxville area.

The Open Table began as an unnamed informational meeting two years ago and later became a Q&A opportunity to learn about abuse within the church. We have continued to gather regularly, welcoming new people into our meetings. We have now outgrown my living room, so we will begin meeting at a new larger venue. The first official meeting of The Open Table: Reclaiming Community After Spiritual Abuse will be this coming Sunday, April 13.

Isolation is a very common result of spiritual abuse. Almost universally, whether the controlling group is religious or secular, “gossip” is redefined and forbidden. The result is a fear of talking about your own experience or asking others if they’ve had similar concerns. Dis-fellowshipping and social shunning typically soon follow leaving the organization. Virtually every person I’ve talked with said they thought it was “just them.” We were afraid to talk about what happened. We all felt alone. We had no idea how many other people had similar things happen to them.

Our first meeting was held at an undisclosed, remote location because there was so much fear that we would be seen. We had been conditioned not to question the leadership. We had been indoctrinated that it was wrong to tell others what we experienced. We were afraid of speaking truth that was critical of leadership, and even fearful of retribution if the leadership or their flying monkeys found out we were meeting together. We were thinking and behaving as we had been conditioned to think and behave. I know there are people still there who are afraid to question, afraid to speak out, afraid to speak the truth. But I must ask: Why would a shepherd cultivate such fear in his sheep? Yet it is a common and predictable pattern among high-control leaders.

Looking back, I am compassionate toward our little band of terrified refugees. I can respect that we were afraid because we had been trained to be. I am very thankful that I can now say we have grown in our knowledge and understanding of what happened, and that we are not alone. As individuals and as a group we have healed, grown, and evolved. The calling and purpose of The Open Table is to help others, wherever they are on their healing journey from high-control religious groups, as we all continue to heal. We come together to learn, to encourage one another, and to talk about our common experiences. We offer a cup of coffee and a listening ear. Come to ask questions, to share your story, and to get to know others who are walking a similar path.

We are helping and protecting others, and we are no longer afraid.

The last time we gathered as a full group, we had five different high-control churches and cults represented. Starting this Sunday, we anticipate about 12 different iterations of spiritually abusive theology to be represented at this meeting, all from the local area.

There are often risks to speaking out against abusers. To maintain security and confidentiality, the time and location of The Open Table meetings will not be made public. This meeting is by invitation or referral only. If you have left a local high-control religious group and would like to attend, you may message me on Facebook or leave your contact info on the "Questions?" page of this website for the meeting information.